Bad Words Good Vibes

Our swear jar could finance the fucking space program. Have you ever gotten dirty looks in the grocery store after announcing “fuck yeah!” at the store carrying a new cheese? Has your child’s school called because they called someone a “thundercunt”, which just so happens to be your favorite insult? Have your friends begged you to watch your mouth at a get-together only to have you shriek “shit-balls of fire!” when you ate something too spicy and your next invitation never came? Then you are in the right place! Here we celebrate the empowerment of harnessing the taboo. Fuck yes, you glorious bitch. Today we salute you and that filthy mouth of yours.

Making The Right Fuckin’ Friends.

If you couldn’t guess, a day in our warehouse includes a lot of foul language. The barriers that can seem impenetrable in most work situations are generally smashed within the first day of a new hire. The relationships built in our workspace tend to last. We think we know why. Studies have actually proven that potty mouthed people make better friends. The use of profanities is shown to better communicate meaning and genuine emotion. This allows individuals to better express ideals and values to each other, creating a quicker bond than otherwise experienced. While taboo would have you believe it is an antisocial trait, that is, in fact scientifically inaccurate. According to the scientist Emma Byrne, “Banter peppered with joking insults and expletives helps create bonds and positive work environments.” There is even a direct link drawn between the use of profanity and a higher sense of integrity as well as being associated with more honesty according to studies from the fuckin geniuses at Standford, University of Cambridge, Hong Kong University of Science and Technology (and more!). No small wonder why within a very short amount of time we all gush our secrets during work hours and allow each other into the lives of our families.

YOU CALL THEM “CUSS WORDS,” I CALL THEM “SENTENCE ENHANCERS”! Once upon a time, some dumbass decided that utilizing cuss words meant you were impoverished and uneducated, and they were wrong. Guess what all our research has shown? The ability to string together sentences laced with words that make most grandmothers blush is

closely associated with having a wide vocabulary and high fluency. In fact, according to several studies, there is a “nuanced distinction drawn to using slurs appropriately.” Next time you aim to impress someone with your intellectual prowess, be sure to slip in some “bitchin” in the correct context and that should do the job. As the saying goes, “I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady.” Other studies that were conducted by the same university encountered that the upper middle class generally used more foul language than those in lower middle class and in poverty. So shove it up your incorrect, classist ass.

Cursing, cussing, swearing—that shit is good for you.

Sure, self control is cool and all, but have you tried coping? According to an article in the Journal of Pain, four-lettered words can help us tolerate pain better. There is actual research that shows the words we think of as a general no-no come from a different part of the brain than the rest of our vocabulary. While most conversation originates in the cerebral cortex, these words come from a more rudimentary part called the basal ganglia. Hence why, when we are reacting impulsively to pain, we spout all the profanity. Cursing can also help build emotional resilience and helps us cope in times when we feel powerless. Remember back in 2020 when the world imploded and all of our old coping mechanisms were vanquished? Well some cool ass scientists decided to teach everyone how they could just curse to make their lives more tolerable, and fuck if that helped.

There are other benefits to malediction. Wielding the taboo like the powerful bitch you are can be an empowering tool. Using bad language to exemplify and amplify your feelings and meaning can be creative and fulfilling. I know when my partner is being a dumbass and I call him a pisswizzard there are few other things in my life as rewarding. When my partner comes back at me and calls me a cuntflap we generally denigrate into laughter, improving our relationship in times of tension. If I did not have the ability to express to my best friend what a clusterfuck I am, I am unsure she would be able to tolerate our friendship. So, yes, cursing is a wonderful tool that can be used for interpersonal development.

But As A Business Model?

Fucking Right! We're building an empire over here and we want to extend our linguistic freedoms to you, we want you to experience every perk from not only the product inside the jar but the benefits you can get just from the label even if it's just a laugh.